Swear off sex.
It’s extreme, yes, but highly effective. That’s because when you tell yourself you can’t have something, you want it even more. The same is true in the bedroom — especially if you and your partner have been together for a while and sex has become automatic. Instead of focusing on the end game, learn to enjoy the sensuality of sex. Tease yourself — and him. Get undressed, dim the lights and take turns exploring each other’s bodies. “When you’re the one doing the touching, concentrate on communicating love and sensuality to your partner,” says Berman. “When you’re on the receiving end, let yourself feel the sensations of each and every stroke. This will help you reconnect with each other on a whole new level.” Not only that but by the time you’re done, you’ll be so excited you’ll barely be able to stand it. Hold off (if you can!) for a night or two, to let the anticipation build.
Change your routine.
When you’re stressed out, it’s impossible to feel sexy.That’s because when a woman experiences chronic tension, her body produces higher levels of oxytocin, a chemical that cancels out the effects of the sex hormone testosterone. As a result, your libido takes a nosedive. Recharge your sexual batteries by doing things that let you break free from your hectic everyday life, says Berman. Play a CD that reminds you of your college days and sing along. Splurge on something you’d normally never buy — like platform pumps — and wear them for a girls’ night out. When you’re relaxed and feeling good about yourself, sex will start to seem within the realm of possibility again.
Turn chores into foreplay.
Even in this enlightened age, women still spend about an hour more each day than men on household chores and childcare. No wonder we’re not in the mood — we’re tired! Research at the University of Washington shows that when men pitch in around the house, their wives are much more likely to be satisfied with the relationship and to want more sex. “All he needs to hear is that helping out is a form of foreplay,” says Berman. The next thing you know, he’ll be pushing past you to wipe the counter, change the kitty litter, and unload the dishwasher.
Leave your house.
You know it’s good to escape — from work, the kids, the dust bunnies — and concentrate on each other. If you can’t head off for the weekend, go out to dinner instead. But mix it up a little: Pick a place you’ve never been and order a dish you’ve never had. Better yet, visit him at work. Seeing him in a place that doesn’t have anything to do with you will reveal a different side of him and reconnect you with the person you fell in love with. “You might see or learn something surprising that makes you view him in a sexier way,” says Berman.
Tell him how to turn you on.
“Men want to be your knight in shining armor when it comes to sex — they’re eager for you to tell them what feels good,” says Berman. “The problem is, so many women are out of touch with their bodies they have no idea what to say.” Help him, and yourself, by showing him what turns you on. Put your hand on top of his and guide him in how you want to be touched — including how much pressure to use. When you’re ready to move on to oral sex, or to bring in a few sex toys, speak up. “This is the only way he’s going to know what works for you,